Transitions...

 End of a Vermont day... end of a Vermont era...

I interrupt my festival of holiday gift guides to state that I am officially unemployed.  I'd be remiss if I didn't include some nod to this event in this chronicle of my life.  I'm equal parts terrified, relieved, nostalgic and stunned.  What began as a simple job to pay the bills while my husband was in law school became a career adventure that yielded personal growth, dear friends, and a knowledge of things like the law of takings and the workings of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission that I most certainly never would have picked up anywhere else.  I am going to miss the tight-knit community of the law school, bosses who should win some sort of award for supporting working parents, my light-soaked office, my lunchtime runs with the gals, and above all, my beloved work wives.

This Monday finds me with a to do list diminished in some ways, and ramped up in others.  For the first time in five years, there is no e-mail to be answered, no project to finish, no call to return for work.  Instead, there is my next task at hand, which is finding my way in my career and searching for something New.  With so many unknowns (Where will I land?  Will it dovetail as well with family life as I hope it will?  How long will it take to find something? What to do for daycare?  What is stylish in pantsuits these days?), this is simultaneously daunting, exhilarating and totally surreal.  Plus, with the knowledge that very little tends to happen in the way of hiring between now and the first of the year, I find myself with a couple quiet weeks ahead to perhaps truly exhale and enjoy the holidays.  If I can let myself...

Isn't it funny how afraid to relax we can be?  In a vacuum of work to dos, I found myself composing an at home to do list this morning about three times longer than anything I've tried to conquer domestically in quite some time.  If I don't have to call into conference calls, it's high time I dust this place top to bottom, reorganize my home office, and become the low-budget Jewish answer to Martha Stewart in time for Christmas around here, goes the voice inside my head.   I think the thought of maybe, kind of having less to do somehow really scares me.  Twisted is what it is.  So here's what I am going to do: take a deep breath, pour a cup of tea, and enjoy sitting here with my boys for a minute.  I'm going to have faith that my next move is out there waiting for me and that I can savor just the slightest exhale in the meantime.  I'm going to bid farewell to one chapter and get ready to embark on the next. 

"Perhaps true happiness comes not from creating the perfect balance of conditions but from finding a balance that doesn’t depend on it."