Distracted

I'm sorry.

Somehow I haven't blogged in almost a week.

I've been a bit distracted.

Doing what, you ask?

Well...

I've been running a lot, out under the glory of all of these fall leaves.  In New England, when the weather starts to change, people tend to panic and spend as much time outdoors as possible, knowing that soon we'll all be shut in behind an endless wall of icy snow (or maybe that's just me).  With the help of some mama friends and the husband, I've also been able to do more runs without the stroller lately, which is absolutely phenomenal.  My back feels amazing, and the time to think and really run hard while not pushing fifty extra pounds is a complete game changer (so, big shout out to my mama posse and my hubs on that one, my body thanks you kindly).

I also just made these S'mores Brownies from Joy the Baker, which were off the charts obscenely delicious.  You add a cup of crumbled graham crackers and a pile of chopped marshmallows to an already decadent brownie batter, then toast a dozen marshmallows on the top.  Ob.scene.  They may also explain why despite all of the said running (I logged almost 20 miles last week!), my jeans are feeling a bit tight.  Funny how that works.

 Speaking of Joy the Baker + running, she has a podcast series that I've just discovered and I'm slightly obsessed with it.  Listening to her and her bud Tracy gab (in a very Seinfeld-esque way) about the "most important unimportant stuff in life" makes my runs go by in a flash.  I actually ran an extra mile and a half last week practically by accident because I was so caught up in their hilarity.  If you like to listen to podcasts, check these gals out.  I just love 'em.

What else?

I made some of my super delish Tuscan Ribollita to bring to a friend with a new babe.  I hadn't made this soup in awhile, and I must say, it is the perfect soup for the season, and very easy to make.  Whip up a pot tonight! 

Finally, I've been spending as much time outside with this guy as is humanly possible.  I realize that it is just wrong for a self-proclaimed environmentalist to be enjoying this current bout of global warming as much I am, but I can't help myself.  Seventy degrees in Massachusetts in November?  

Don't mind if I do.

More soon, promise.

xo,

SMJ

Fear Itself: Confessions of a Former Badass

Today I'd like to talk about fear.  Not haunted house, scary movie, fear-of-dying fear, but rather the run of the mill daily fears which can keep us from living our fullest and best life.  I've been doing a lot of ruminating on this topic lately.  Now that the little man is more of a fully-functioning, self-entertaining child than a needy infant, I've had a moment to reflect on life's changes since his arrival, and to discuss them a bit with my husband.  Not surprisingly, life now is somewhat unrecognizable to what it was several years ago, and while some of those changes are wonderful, timely, and welcome, in other areas we need a course correction, the primary one being our sense of adventure.

Hubs + me on top of Vermont's Mt. Mansfield in our super-adventure days.

Let me preface this by saying that I used to be a tad bit of a badass.  When the husband and I met and got together, I had been working on and off as a wilderness guide for the better part of six years.  I guided kayak trips on the San Francisco Bay and New Hampshire's Piscataqua River Basin, I co-lead a months-long backpacking trip for college students deep in the backcountry of California, I solo lead a work crew of high school students and spent a summer building a boardwalk across a marshland with my own little hands.  When the husband and I got together, I was running backcountry leadership training programs for the east coast's oldest conservation organization, teaching experienced mountaineers twice my age how to run their wilderness adventure trips.  I appeared to be fearless and imminently capable, which the husband has often told me is one of the reasons why he fell for me in the first place.

I will break here to highlight the word "appeared" from the last sentence of the last paragraph, because, here's the thing... I was not raised to be a wilderness adventure person.  I grew up in a very cushy New York suburb, and went camping a total of one time in my childhood, with a lovely Mormon family who took me and about 23 other kids on a weekend car camping expedition not too far from where we lived.  Mountaineering it was not.  I truly fell in love with the backcountry during my college years when I was an environmental studies major and my family took a (cushy) whitewater rafting trip in the summer between my sophomore and junior years.  Nights spent sleeping under the stars (and one particularly handsome raft guide) had me crushing on the wilderness lifestyle, and I decided that guiding was for me.

Deep underground exploring Vietnam's Củ Chi tunnels.  A bit badass!

From there on out, I had to fight every over-cautious, sheltered bone in my little suburban Jewish girl body to achieve my goal of becoming a Patagonia-clad, deeply tanned, uber-capable badass.  I pushed myself hard, and encountered a lot of fear along the way; fear that I've never admitted in the past, but here it is: guiding trips on the heavily marine trafficked, literally shark-infested San Francisco Bay?  Scary!!!  Being solely responsible for a half-a-dozen teenagers in the midst of a massive lightening storm in the middle of the night with no place to take shelter?  Terrifying!  On a solo overnight in bear country in the high Sierra?  Peeing myself in the tent with nerves. Yet, I did these things, and I felt a tremendous amount of satisfaction as I checked each one off my list.  Still, the underlying fear I felt even as I maneuvered in these high adventure circles had me feeling something like a fraud.

Running the 2003 New York City Marathon and continuing to dabble in badass.

Let us fast forward, then, to 2008-2009, when I was pregnant and a new mom.  People, this is hands down the most frightening thing any human can ever attempt to accomplish.  Gaining 65 lbs and pushing an 8.5 lb human out of your body?  Effing terrifying (...and yes, I said 65 lbs.  Got something to say about that?  Think carefully, or I will sit on you next time I am pregnant).  Having your breasts be someone's sole food source?  Mighty intimidating!  Using a robotic machine to pump milk out of said breasts between meetings in your work day?  Yeah.  Needing to operate in the world on an average 4.5 hours sleep?  Challenging! Having a piece of your heart and soul embodied in another human being out in the world to potentially get hurt in any number of physical and emotional ways every day for the rest of your life?  Well, I have no words.  It has been an adjustment to say the least, as has both juggling being a working mom, and then coming to terms with being a stay-at-home-mom and the guilt that comes with not making a financial contribution to the family (so complicated, these emotions!  I could go on for days!).

Let's be real: my most badass moment to date.

So, this brings us to the present day, and my current thoughts on fear.  Last Saturday, over coffee, the husband and I were talking about how different life is now.  The badass backcountry chick he was once all moony over is way, way back on the back burner of my personality these days.  I wish I was a real, legit, super-mega-total badass like my friend Haley who has been known to hit the backcountry with her newborn in tow, and casually breastfeed against a giant Sequoia, but my nursing tendencies turned out to run more towards sipping a glass of ice water while obsessively watching the Food Network.

Once I kind of got the hang of the new parent thing, we were then mired in moving and other transitions, and slowly but surely, our life has become more safe and predictable, with nary a camping trip to speak of in the last few years, and precious fewer hikes, surfs, and other adrenaline-boosting activities than both of us would prefer.  Now, with little guy being incredibly self-sufficient (except for the diapers) and adventure-ready himself, I know it is time to course correct, and become something of a hybrid of the wannabe badass I once was, and the more staid, predictable mom-person I currently am today.

So, how to do this?  Well, I'm thinking the answer is baby steps.  Yesterday, for example.  The hubs needed the car, and I needed to get the little guy across town in a timely manner.  The obvious answer?  Bicycling!  Something which I've been terrified to do with him in the city.  I witnessed a horrible and fatal bike accident right after we moved here, and it put the fear of city cycling in me.  I love to ride bikes, but am very cautious, and happily let the husband be the one with the baby seat mounted on his handlebars.  Yesterday, though, I had to bite the bullet, or lose the most precious commodity in my life, time.  So, on went the helmets, and out onto the city streets we went.  I definitely messed up the the gear shifting element (not easy to shift when a large toddler is front and center on your handlebars), and probably was biking about 1 mile per hour, but you know what?  I did it.  And when we reached our destination and I caught my breath, I felt that old, familiar satisfied endorphin rush.  And I liked it.

Now the thing is to reconcile our current reality and limitations with the original love of adventure and the outdoors that brought us together in the first place.  I've been so busy just trying to survive in the last few years that I've let my sense of adventure slide, especially when the couch is so cozy and the Friday Night Lights DVDs are so plentiful and captivating.  I've let that cautious suburban girl in me take over, even though I'm not as fond of her as I am of that tan chick paddling amongst the sharkies in the SF Bay.  I've let her take over largely because of fear; irrational mom fears like toddler + campfire or toddler + mountain cliff or toddler + open bodies of water, but also more simple fears, like being cold and uncomfortable when so much else in life is necessarily uncomfortable these days (see: grocery shopping with a two year old boy) or losing another night of sleep to being kicked by the little man in my sleeping bag, when good sleep still seems so, so very precious, fleeting and necessary to our sanity.  And in typical fashion, I've gone to extremes, and it's either a backpacking adventure or the couch.  Sigh.  How do we fall into these traps, even as we're so very aware of their existence?

Sea kayaking with my dad.  So relaxing and soothing it can hardly be considered badass, but an adventure nonetheless.

So, baby steps.  A small, nearby hike.  A mini, short surfing expedition.  A carefully plotted morning out fishing.  These things must be done, but for some reason, finding balance truly seems to be the most fearsome parenthood challenge of all.  And becoming a parent is hardly the only thing that can throw you off your game.  A move, an injury, a new job, a bad break-up; any major life event is usually enough to halt your usual routine and make taking it back up a striking challenge.  In our case, it has just been years, rather than weeks or months, since the shift occurred, making change all the more difficult.

Are you still with me?  All of this pondering leads me to this: a promise to myself and my family to prioritize the effort for balance, and a return to some of things that were important to us before life changed so dramatically.  After all, this is all we really have to rely on when life demands a fundamental shift from us: a silent, determined, will power-driven commitment to change.  I believe that people can change, but not overnight.  These shifts demand a daily nudging, a series of small, almost imperceptible mini-changes which over time grow to mean something truly significant.  So, that's where I am... slowing pushing the boulder of post-parenthood life a bit back towards the middle.   With some resolve and a little help from my dormant inner badass, I know I can get where I want to be.

How do you get out of ruts and channel your inner badass?

Woods walk last weekend.  Perfection.  Mini-excursions are the new badass.

Blog-keeping

So.  I've been blogging for just over two years now, if you can believe it.  In the beginning, this was something I stole little bits of time for when I could, between pumping at work and commuting two hours a day on treacherous Vermont highways, and learning to become a mom.  As time has gone on, I've become more attached to this little place where I can ruminate, create and share, and I've decided it is time to consciously put a bit more time and energy into this project*.  Now that I'm at home full-time, I have developed an ambitious list of blog-related housekeeping to attend to, and I've just tackled the first chunk of it and am eager to hear your thoughts!

For one thing, I wanted to make the site easier to navigate, particularly the recipe section.  I aspire to author a cookbook one day*, and thought organizing and indexing my recipes would be a good place to start.  Going back through 2+ years of cooking projects was so much fun (if slightly tedious), and it was surprisingly satisfying to compile my recipe index.  Better still, seeing that list of recipes makes me want to add to and diversify it, so expect more original recipes soon. You can find the recipe index in the new top bar under the blog header, and I hope you find it helpful to your cooking efforts!  If it looks like I've forgotten something or I can otherwise make it more user-friendly, please let me know!

Also in the top bar you'll find two other new sections: about and press.  I'm hoping to push forward some readership-increasing endeavors soon*, and if you're not my mom or college roommate (hi guys!), I figured you may want to know just who you are reading about when you land here.  As for the press section, it is somewhat modest right now, and I've put it up there more or less to challenge/taunt myself into actively working to be more widely published*.  I'd like to be more ambitious about my writing in general, and this is my way of throwing down the gauntlet at myself.

*Public declarations of intent are scary, but necessary to my competitive, A-type brain. I've found that the best way to produce results is if I challenge myself to do something and write down my intent.   Some of my favorite life gurus have lovingly pushed me to take my writing to "the next level", so here goes...

I could only dare to dream of sporting such a casually tousled up-do and delightful desk bouquet whilst plotting my omnimedia empire...

Veggie Dinner of the Year: Miso-Curry Delicata Squash with Tofu and Kale

Last night I cooked the best vegetarian dinner I've cooked all year: Heidi Swanson's Miso-Curry Delicata Squash with Tofu and Kale from her new cookbook, Super Natural Every Day. 

This dish was so simple to prepare, so healthy, and so flavorful and warming; you must put it in your rotation for the holiday season immediately.  On those upcoming nights where you're feeling bloated from your cookie swap or that glass of egg nog you should have just turned down, and you're feeling like you just don't have time to cook with the holiday madness swirling around you, give this recipe a try.  It is seriously just the thing.  It is also terrifically vitamin-packed to keep the cold weather germs at bay.

As I set out to cook dinner last night, pulling tofu, kale, and squash out onto the counter, the husband and I exchanged knowing glances that read: "Man, wouldn't ordering pizza just be soooo much better than this hippie feast we're about to put together?"  But we were determined to stick to the meal plan, so tofu and kale it was, Saturday night party food cravings be damned.  I am so glad we did.  This light, energizing dinner sings with flavor from the miso and Thai curry.  The tofu, squash and potatoes get crispy, crusty and caramelized in the oven, and each bite has an incredible burst of texture and flavor, especially since the delicata squash skin is edible and adds a special chewiness to the dish. 

We served the dish over rice, but it would also be wonderful with quinoa or just on its own; the squash and the potatoes provide plenty of carbiness.  This is a very filling dish, despite its lightness, which is why I think it is perfect for the holiday season.  On those nights when you are really starting to feel gross, this dish will hit your nutritional reset button without leaving you feeling diet-y and deprived.  You could also pre-whisk the sauce and pre-prep the veggies to really move this into easy weeknight dinner territory.   Try it this week!

Miso-Curry Delicata Squash with Tofu and Kale
from Super Natural Every Day, by Heidi Swanson
Serves 4
Ingredients
12 ounces delicata squash
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white miso
1 tbsp red Thai curry paste
8 ounces extra-firm tofu, cut into small cubes
4 medium new potatoes, unpeeled, cut into chunks
2 tbsps fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 cups chopped kale, tough stems removed
1/3 cup pepitas, toasted, or tamari pumpkin seeds
2/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
Directions
1) Preheat the oven to 400 degrees with a rack in the middle of the oven.
2) Cut the delicata squash in half lengthwise and use a spoon to clear out all the seeds. Cut into 1/2 inch thick half-moons.
3) In a medium bowl, whisk together olive oil, miso, and curry paste. Combine the tofu, potatoes, and squash in a large bowl with 1/3 cup of the miso-curry paste. Use your hands to toss well, then turn the vegetables onto a rimmed baking sheet, and arrange in a single layer.
4) Roast for 25 to 30 minutes, until everything is tender and browned. Toss once or twice along the way, after things start to brown a bit. Keep a close watch, though; the vegetables can go from browned to burned in a flash. (Note: It took me almost a full half-hour longer than this to get the doneness I wanted on my tofu, squash and potatoes.  It makes me wonder about our oven!  I googled the recipe to see if any other bloggers or cooks noted this cooking time discrepancy, and it seemed to be just me.  In any case, cook until the veggies and tofu are brown, no matter how long it takes!)
5) In the meantime, whisk the lemon juice into the remaining miso-curry paste, then stir in the kale until coated.
6) Toss the roasted vegetables gently with the kale, pepitas, and cilantro. Serve family style in a large bowl or on a platter.

*due to a camera fail, photos are via Food is Forever, Chez Pim, and my darling lemon thyme

Mexican Comfort Mush

So... this is one of those recipes that I debated sharing.  

It was Wednesday.  I wanted enchiladas, but didn't feel like doing any rolling of tortillas, making of sauce, or scrubbing of baked-on cheese from Pyrex dishes.  I also had an afternoon run planned, so I wanted to be finished preparing dinner during the early-afternoon span of nap time, which meant employing the slow cooker.  I had a pile of delicious ingredients...

I also had a vague idea of how I wanted to prepare this dish.  What did I have in mind?  A lasagna-like interpretation of enchiladas, with layers of corn tortillas, black beans, cilantro, shredded chicken, sweet corn and cheese melded goo-ily together through several hours in the slow cooker with a tasty (yet store-bought) enchilada sauce.  I poached and shredded a pound of boneless, skinless chicken thighs, then went to work, assembling layer after layer of the above ingredients in my slow cooker.

I then set it to low for five hours, cleaned the kitchen, and went about tackling the rest of my list of things to do.  When I had returned from my run, showered, and we had gotten the little man down to sleep for the night, I set about plating our dinner.

I had expected to dish up something that looked like this...

Photo via myrecipes.com

Instead, I served this...

...which is really best described, as the post title suggests, as Mexican Comfort Mush.  The tortillas had basically disintegrated, becoming some sort of unintentional polenta.  The chicken had all but disappeared as well, as it was so tenderized by the slow cooking process.  But the dish smelled fantastic, and it was 7:45 and time to eat something, so I went ahead and served it, already kind of branding it as a failure in my mind before we had even taken a bite.

Here's the thing: it was really delicious.  Comforting, warm, nourishing, and full of protein, this dish totally hit the spot, and we both went back for seconds.  We kept remarking about how good it was, especially with a little dollop of sour cream on top.  It was almost like some sort of really thick, dense, tortilla soup/stew hybrid.  I was happy to eat a dish of this for lunch today, and I'll make it again, although I think that I'll continue to tweak the recipe until I get something that resembles more of a casserole than a mush.  The concept is a keeper, the execution just needs some work.

Despite its imperfections, I thought I'd share the basics of the recipe with you today in the hopes that maybe you can play along as I work on perfecting it. Veggie friends, you can play too, as I think the chicken was somewhat superfluous, and could have been easily subbed out for shredded sweet potato, or perhaps even tofu.  Please let me know if you try preparing this recipe with or without any tweaks, and together we can create slow cooker enchilada casserole nirvana!   Or follow the recipe as it is, and get ready for some mushy goodness that you can perhaps serve to someone who has recently had their braces tightened or their wisdom teeth out, or a toddler slightly less picky than my own!

Here's what I started with:

Slow Cooker Chicken Enchilada Casserole, Take One

Ingredients

10 small corn tortillas, cut in half

32 oz. red enchilada sauce

1 8 oz. package shredded Mexican-blend cheese

1/2 cup cilantro, chopped

1.5 cups corn kernels

2 cans of black beans, drained and rinsed

1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken thighs

Salt

Directions 

1) Bring a large saucepan of salted water to a boil.  Add chicken thighs and simmer until they are cooked through, approximately 10 minutes.  Allow them to cool, then shred by hand, or chop coarsely.

2) Cover the bottom of the slow cooker with enchilada sauce.  Begin creating layers of tortillas, veggies, chicken, cilantro, sauce and cheese, until you've used all of your ingredients.  Make sure that the last layer is covered in cheese.

3) Cook on low for 5 hours.  Serve.

Beautiful Things

Happy November!  

I'd like to kick off the month with a random list of beautiful things currently catching my fancy...

I love this delicate Dual Birthstone ring from Ariel Gordon jewelry.  I think it would be so sweet to customize it with the birthstones of you and your honey (doesn't hurt that ours are two of my faves: amethyst and tourmaline), or what a perfect keepsake for a mama of two (or you could do both and stack 'em! Love it even more!).

Ina Garten's Old Fashioned Apple Crisp, which I made this weekend, and it was in.sane.  The husband called it "the best thing ever".  Her secret?  Tossing the sliced apples with the juice and zest of a whole lemon and a whole orange.  And that every recipe she has ever written is the best of whatever it is, because the woman is a food prophet.

This mojito looks glorious.  Summer may be over, but we can still enjoy a rum drink here or there, can we not?

This photo of a Japanese lantern festival took my breath away.

And this poem, which is one of my favorites, always lifts my spirits when I'm feeling down:

Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
  love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Superheroes

My mom is doing a heroic job of bouncing back from her recent injury (broken arm, followed by shoulder surgery and a lengthy recovery process).  She's back at work full-time and so has had to adapt her work wardrobe to fit over a bulky sling.  Since temperatures are plunging here and she still has to hang outside for recess duty, she needed a warm layer badly, and jackets aren't cutting it right now.  She solved the problem with the most beautiful dark brown wool cape which fits right over her sling, and which she'd better keep one eye on after she recovers, as I'm not-so-secretly in love with it.

After seeing my mom rock this cape so effectively, my friend Angella showed up for a visit sporting an equally fabulous black cape as her winter layer of choice...

Like so many things of this nature, once I became interested in capes via Mom and Ang, I started to see them everywhere.  And the more I saw, the more I loved...

Stylish Scot-inspired capeness via The Sartorialist

Parisian chic, also via The Sartorialist

Cozy knit in my favorite hue from The Sartorialist, but booooo smoking (I hate cigs with an intense passion!).

Preggo cape awesomeness via Hatch

My new favorite blogger, Heather of L.A. in Bloom, rocking a toffee-colored Zara cape outside her gallery.  Super cool.

I fear if I owned this delicious Sundance cape, it would be literally the only thing I wore for the rest of winter.

Black n' tan J.Crew cape... on sale!

Things I love about capes:

1) They are incredibly forgiving.  Be you injured, preggo, or in need of hiding the damage from Thanksgiving, your cape has got you covered.

2) They allow you to swoop dramatically into and out of a room.  I really enjoy swooping.

3) Capes seem to be the ultimate in coziness.  You can really bundle yourself against the elements in one of these bad boys.

4) They are basically the adult equivalent of a swaddle, affording the same sense of warmth and security.

Clearly, I think I need to add a cape to my wardrobe this winter.  And while I realize that I just vowed to venture away from all things black or brown for cold weather, if you're going to be swooping around, it is probably best done in a neutral color, lest your drama veer from chic towards maniacal (its a fine line, friends). Hence, the dark choices above to display my current cape love.  I wish I had a photo of my cape-clad mama to include, but between work and PT, she's not currently available for photo shoots.  When she's doing better, I'll have to share her cape fabulousness as well.  In the meantime, she's truly a superhero.  Up, up and away!

Happy Friday, everyone! 

What are you doing to make dressing for the cold a bit more fun?