I've been at this blog thing for over a year now, and more often than not find myself overflowing with ideas to write about and musings to explore. I usually have more thoughts to write than hours in the day, and a running list in my head of what I want to talk about, look into, link to or cook. Yet, I came off the plane last week and ever since have had a kind of stunned silence in my mind, and every time I've logged into SMJ, I've blinked blankly at the screen a few times and then inevitably clicked away.
Perhaps it is because I've resolved to keep things positive on this blog and not to delve into things too deeply personal that I find myself with a bit of writer's block this week. I have a lot going on right now, but much of it is lurking in a messy, dark and utterly personal corner in my mind and feels like it needs to be hashed out on a therapist's couch or in a dark corner of a cafe with a girlfriend and a glass of wine and not on the internet. The funny thing is that life is good. All the logistical puzzle pieces that were missing for us earlier this year... a place for us to live, a community to be a part of, a routine to be in... have been worked out with great results and we are nestled into a place that is exactly where we want and need to be. Yet, I still have some pretty major things to sort out in the coming months....
*****I need a new job.
I need to transition out of the job I've had for 5 years (the longest I've been anywhere practically in my whole life). There's a whole lot to do on that front and so many emotions.
When I am lucky enough to find a new job, we have to sort out what childcare will look like in our lives again... which is a very fraught and expensive task in so many ways and one that seems to have no winning solutions sometimes. Just ask the bazillion Boston moms on the listserve I subscribe to who debate the topic ad nauseum almost daily; from daycare to nannies to full time SAHMs, no one seems totally at peace with their choice... it's wild.
The holidays are coming and need to be navigated in a financially responsible yet festive, joyous and creative way. I'm feeling that some innovation is needed in the realm of cards and gifts, yet am drawing a total blank. I am clearly the red-headed stepchild of merry, glitter-wielding, DIY mommy bloggers everywhere. Humbug.
When I think about cooking, all I want to make is scrambled eggs.
*****This, my friends, is what I believe they call a rut. Not a big, stuck in the mud, call a tow truck to pull you out rut, but a skidded-off-the-road-in-the-snow rut that is just going to take a bit of pushing and shoveling and a few choice swear words to overcome. I need a bit of inspiration, a bit of rest and a kick in the pants. I've lined up a week that I'm hoping will provide all these things in the form of yoga, running, and the aforementioned wine chats that are needed. I may even make some soup in the midst of it all... I have French lentils, lovely sausages and butternut squash calling my name and luring me beyond my scrambled egg funk... if they succeed in inspiring me, you'll be in the first to know. In the meantime, I'll just be digging away over here. And swearing occasionally.
Tell me... how do you push out of your ruts?